dragonspell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dragonspell) wrote2010-07-11 07:08 pm
dragonspell) wrote2010-07-11 07:08 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: RPS (Jared/Jensen): In It for Love [10 / 16] | R | 6700 words
Title: In It for Love [ 10 / 16 ]
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dragonspell
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (and Jared/a slew of other characters including Misha Collins, Tom Welling, Mike Rosenbaum, Danneel Harris, Sandy McCoy and some OMCs and OFCs)
Rating: Currently R (eventual NC-17)
Warnings: AU. Cheesiness. Fandom cliches. The usual drill.
Summary (fic): After a drunken dare, award-winning writer Jensen agreed to on a reality television show to vie for the attention of megastar Jared Padalecki who he's had a crush on for years. Only Jensen doesn't know how he's going to be able to tolerate all the other contestants and their widely varying personalities and he's pretty sure that you're not supposed to be able to get used to somebody filming you 24/7.
Summary (part): Two of the houseguests get sent packing.
Word Count: 6700 (this part)
Disclaimer: Never happened, no affiliation.
Master Post: Master Post
Part 9 | Master Post | Part 11
Episode 5 - Second Half
Jared and Chad decided to stay up until late with all of them—the first time that had happened since the first night that they’d been in the house and even though Jensen wasn’t particularly feeling in the mood for another damn party, he couldn’t complain. Mike broke out the beers and Lita grabbed the liquor and together they worked hard on getting everyone to “Loosen up, man! It’s a party!” Mike swung himself around Jensen’s shoulders, handing him a bottle and Jensen eyed it before holding up the one he already had. Mike rolled his eyes. “Finish it off, already,” he complained and firmly shoved the new bottle into Jensen’s hands before wandering off.
Jensen shrugged and downed the last of his previous beer before setting it on a convenient surface and focusing on his next one. He’d love to be able and take Mike’s advice but unfortunately the only thing he could think about at the moment was Jared. Jared, Jared, Jared—the guy who was hanging off of Ben because Ben, with his broad shoulders, looked even taller than Jared, though he was actually a few inches shorter. They looked like poster boys for gym equipment, Jensen thought sourly. Like they would spend all of their free time running or pumping iron together.
…Fucking Ben and his ‘I think I’ve discovered what I want to do with the rest of my life!’ Guilt coursed through Jensen for his self-indulgent thinking—Ben was actually a good guy, he didn’t deserve all this shit—but damned if he could actually stop it. At the moment, it was all he could do to simply stand back and let Jared do his thing when what he really wanted to do was go over there, shove Ben out of the way and stake his claim already. Except that, one, that would probably lead to his ass getting kicked somewhere and, two, it wasn’t exactly something that normal people did.
Jensen took another swig of his beer. At least everyone else seemed to be having a good time. Danneel and Sandy were talking to Misha who had picked up the damn apple again. It was as if he was fascinated with the thing. Lita was making not-so-subtle digs at Chad who not only refused to leave her alone but who was also eating up the insults with a spoon. Tom, Jensen hadn’t seen in over an hour. Which was fucking stupid on Tom’s part because you’d think that he, out of everyone, would be the first one to shove Ben out of the way.
Apparently he had better things to do, though. Jensen leaned against the wall, memorizing Jared’s every feature and trying not to appear too creepy about it. He just couldn’t imagine anywhere else that he’d rather be besides right next to Jared. Perhaps that was what he didn’t get about Tom. Tom seemed able to just take or leave Jared and he didn’t seem to particularly care which. Jensen had no idea, though, why someone would put themselves through this circus act if they didn’t at least want something to do with the man that they were supposed to be going after.
Jared guffawed again—his big laugh that opened his mouth wide and just echoed throughout the entire room—and Jensen’s heart clenched. He was being pathetic, standing over here like a high school girl that never got asked to dance. Jensen always got asked to dance. Even if it was only by Chris, who really didn’t count. Still. He wasn’t a wallflower.
He wasn’t the pushiest person in the world and he imagined it would take a crowbar and a lot of hard work to pry Jared off of Ben, but there was no fucking reason he needed to be hiding in a corner like a deranged stalker. Wasn’t like Jared had a restraining order out on him or anything and he had to resort to digging through Jared’s trash. No, Jensen was here because Jared was consistently picking him to stay and that meant something, right?
So what if Ben had been the one to win the date—it was a cooking challenge and apparently cooking was Ben’s life now. Jensen was sure that there’d be other chances at dates that would be right up his alley. Besides, Jared wasn’t out on the date right now, so Jensen might as well try to get some time in while he could.
Making up his mind, Jensen pushed himself away from the wall and causally walked over to where Jared was laughing, not wanting to appear too eager or determined. Ben was smiling easily, taking Jared’s mauling in stride and holding onto the arms that Jared had thrown around his neck. Jensen fought back the surge of jealousy and forced himself to meet Ben’s smile.
“Hey, Jen!” Jared said, finally sliding off of Ben’s back, showing that he wasn’t attached after all like Jensen had been beginning to suspect. Jared lurched alarmingly and Jensen’s eyes went wide. Jared’s hands landed on Jensen’s face, pawing at his features as Jared steadied himself and, stunned, Jensen let him. Was he…? “Jen, Jen, Jenny… Did you mind if I called you Jenny? Do you, I mean?” Jared swung his head around to look at Ben. “What do I mean?” Was Jared drunk?
Ben smiled indulgently. “Hi,” he said simply and Jensen finally found his voice.
“How much has he had to drink?” Jensen asked Ben incredulously. It was kind of blowing his mind that he was seeing world class movie star Jared Padalecki drunk. What was the world coming to? Jensen felt like his whole universe was just tilting.
Jared fixed Jensen with a serious stare. “Lita only brought me one. …And then another one.” Jensen frowned as Jared continued to molest his face—it was rather unpleasant but it was still Jared touching him: Jensen was a little torn. He compromised by grabbing Jared’s hands and forcing them downward. They curled warmly around the back of Jensen’s neck as Jared made a happy noise. “Chad brought me a…whole lot more.”
“That’s fantastic,” Jensen deadpanned. Jared, he had to remember, was only human—no matter what kind of pedestals Jensen insisted on putting him on.
“You’re very pretty, Jen…” Jared said, right hand moving to touch Jensen’s face again. His fingers brushed against Jensen’s mouth and Jensen fought against the urge to lick them. He didn’t like strangers touching his face, no, but Jared wasn’t a stranger. Jensen just usually preferred a little bit more intent to the touches—not the sloppy, uninhibited way that Jared was exploring him. But still, it was Jared and Jensen’s instinctive response was already starting to kick in—regardless of the fact that a party was hardly the place to have a hard on. “I love your mouth, did you know that?”
Jensen stared at Jared, not knowing quite what to say or do, but Ben laughed, clapping Jensen on the shoulder. “How about you take him for a little while? I think it’s been a long time since Jared’s had a chance to get a little crazy so he went a little overboard. And I think I need another drink.” Jensen nodded slowly—he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t want the time (relatively) alone with Jared but, well, this was drunk Jared who was kind of like an overly-friendly, overly-touchy-feely puppy. And he was big. A big, uncoordinated puppy hanging all over him. Jensen winced and shivered at the same time as Jared leaned more fully on him.
Jared giggled—giggled—and moved his lips to Jensen’s ear. “You could seriously give a guy a bad case of blue balls, Jen,” he whispered. “I should probably tie you down and lick you all over…”
Jensen closed his eyes and flushed from head to toe as the thought of Jared and sex and licking brought him to half-mast. “You’re drunk,” he said.
Jared giggled again. “Am not. Just…buzzed.” He stumbled a little to the right, making Jensen stagger as he caught him.
“Are too.”
“I’m a big guy, Jen,” Jared shared confidently. “Takes a lot to get me drunk.” He stumbled again and they both nearly went to the floor before Jensen shoved Jared to the left, knocking him over into a chair. It seemed as good a place as ever for the unsteady movie star. “Okay…” Jared said, revising his earlier statement. “Maybe I’m a little drunk.”
Jensen frowned down at him, a little concerned as Jared scrubbed at his face. “Maybe you should eat something.”
Jared shook his head slowly. “Already did, remember? Everybody helped.”
Right. Jared had eaten quite a bit of the food that all the houseguests had made, so that was probably taken care. “Then…just try not to…drink anymore.”
“That’s a good idea.” Jensen watched him for a little longer, wondering if he really was going to be alright before glancing up momentarily to see where everyone else was at. It was a mistake: Jared took advantage of Jensen’s distraction to wrap his thick arms around Jensen’s waist and haul Jensen down on top of him. Jensen squawked as he fell, losing all chance of pretending to have even a little dignity and landed with a solid ‘oomph’ onto Jared’s lap. Jared snuggled him happily.
Jensen grunted and pushed at him a little, trying to get some space before just giving up and waiting for Jared to get bored. Unfortunately, a bored Jared wasn’t a good thing. After he stopped rubbing his cheek against Jensen’s, Jared apparently got a better idea, and started pressing small kisses there instead. “Stop,” Jensen hissed, resuming pushing at him again. He glanced wildly at the rest of the room, hoping to God that no one else was watching. So far, though, they all seemed to be still involved in their own little worlds. So far.
Jared chuckled and licked his tongue over Jensen’s skin. “Can’t help it, Jen. You’re too pretty…” The good thing about this, Jensen figured, was that while they were in public, Jared’s actions were mostly hidden. Jensen, though, was still keenly aware that he was sitting in Jared’s lap in plain view of anyone that might happen to glance over and, fuck, was that a cameraman inching closer? Jensen tried to stand up, maybe even just move to the chair’s arm for a modicum of space, but Jared wouldn’t allow it. “Where you goin’?” he asked, holding Jensen tighter. “Where you goin’, Jen?”
Nowhere, apparently. Jensen was about to hiss a retort at Jared when Jared grabbed his hand and placed it decisively. Directly on top of Jared’s crotch. Jensen felt his face flame even as he didn’t have a prayer of stopping his fingertips from spreading, outlining the bulge underneath them. “Like that?” Jared whispered, holding his hand there. “I like it…”
The cameraman came even closer and Jensen decided that, no, he most definitely could not handle a drunk Jared alone. He firmly pushed Jared away. “I’ve got to go,” he said, trying not to feel like he was running away and failing miserably. He was such a coward.
“What?” Jared asked, blinking in confusion, and Jensen groaned because this just wasn’t fair. No man had a right to look that damn adorable, especially not when he was still making Jensen’s hand do questionable things to certain areas. Feeling infinitely disappointed in himself, Jensen shook himself free of Jared’s clutches and put some space between them. It was just in time, because not only did the cameraman arrive in position after he did so, but so did Ben, carrying another beer.
“Having fun?” Ben asked and Jensen sighed because the man had no idea. He glanced down at Jared who was now just innocently holding his hand and beaming up at him.
Not fair.
The next day was a miserable day in Jensen’s opinion. Not only was it currently raining, thus making anything outside impossible and trapping him inside with the likes of Mike and Misha—who were tossing the apple back and forth—but it also was another ‘Jared-less’ day. Jared had taken off with Ben early in the morning, leaving instructions for everyone to be good while he was gone and that he’d be back before the Elimination Ceremony tonight. Jensen sighed and flopped himself down on the couch. Awesome.
He could hear Mike and Misha cackling as they ran back and forth but he ignored them, staring at a blank spot on the wall, instead. It seemed more infinitely interesting than them. Jared had been gone for hours now. This was just a bad fucking day. Mike and Misha were bored and, as Jensen was fast learning, a bored Mike and Misha were never good things. So far, they’d only managed to break one lamp (the casualty of an experimental slingshot made out of rubber bands, a door way, and pieces of fruit) but Jensen thought it was only a matter of time until they moved on to more hardcore activities.
“Jensen.” Jensen blinked and turned his head at the gruff voice and his mood sank even lower as he came face to face with Jeff. Fuck. That was what he got for thinking that his day was bad because no matter how bad a day you thought it was, it could always get worse. Jeff was supposed to be out with Jared on his date but yet here he was, ready to torture Jensen. Jeff curled his fingers and smiled, non-verbally telling Jensen to follow him and Jensen knew that there was no sense in fighting the inevitable. He accepted his fate and shuffled off to his doom.
The closet door closed behind them and Jensen took the customary seat, staring up at Jeff in quiet dread.
“So how are you doing?” Jeff asked, starting out with some bland small talk.
Jensen shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure—there was the melodramatic answer that he wanted to give and then there was the smooth, glib response that he should say instead. “I’m doing okay.”
“Oh?” Jeff asked, smiling. He was trying to put Jensen at ease, Jensen knew, but there was just something unsettling about Jeff at the moment—like he was holding his cards close to his chest and hiding a royal flush. “How’s Mike been?”
Mike? Jensen mouthed. He stared at Jeff, wondering how he was supposed to answer that. “Annoying as usual, I guess,” he said with a small smile. It was true. Mike was a constant annoyance in the house, but that was possibly his charm. Jensen knew that if it got back to Mike that he’d said that, Mike would just think it was hilarious.
“Gets under your skin sometimes?”
“That’s, uh, that’s part of his charm,” Jensen answered, echoing his earlier thought.
Jeff nodded like he understood. “So you like Mike?”
“Yeah,” Jensen replied with no hesitation. “He’s a good guy, you know?”
“Mike’s a good guy?” Jeff repeated and Jensen blinked, wondering why he was prompting before the answer smacked him right between the eyes: Jeff was looking for soundbytes and here Jensen was giving him half ones like a retard. He was surprised that Jeff was being so patient with him.
“Yeah, Mike’s a good guy,” Jensen said, giving a complete sentence for once and hoping that Jeff would like it.
Jeff smiled, looking glad that Jensen was finally catching on to the game. “You two seem to have fun together.”
“Mike and I have lots of fun together,” Jensen said with a chuckle. “Some things I think we could be arrested for, but they’re fun.”
“What about Misha? What do you think of him?”
Jensen grinned and looked away, hiding his smile a little bit. “Misha’s pretty crazy, but it’s in a good way. I think.” Jeff twirled his finger, indicating for Jensen to continue. “He’s so zen and just the craziest sh—stuff pops out of his mouth. You never know what he’s going to say, you just know that it’s going to be interesting.”
“You worked with each other on the cleaning challenge,” Jeff prompted when Jensen fell quiet again.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Jensen leaned forward in the chair, yesterday’s events floating through his mind. “I think he wanted the dogs just because he’s got such a way with animals. Animal activist and all,” Jensen said, shrugging. “And he probably wanted me on his team because we both got to meet them earlier. He knew that I’d be able to handle them. Not everyone can handle big dogs.”
“But you can?”
Jensen shrugged again. “I like dogs,” he replied. “Rather wash Jared’s oversized puppies than his windows.” Washing windows was akin to torture in Jensen’s opinion. They just never seemed to end because no matter how much you wiped and sprayed and scrubbed, there was always a spot that you missed.
“Don’t do windows?” Jeff asked with a chuckle.
“No. I don’t do windows.” Jensen smiled back at Jeff. He could do this. It was actually kind of fun in an odd sort of way, because Jeff, Jensen was deciding, was an okay guy once you got to know him. Sort of like a cool older brother or something. Cooler than Jensen’s older brother anyway.
“Jared said that you did a good job with the dogs.”
“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “But Chad thought they still smelled.” Chad was a bit of a douche now that Jensen thought about it.
“Don’t like Chad?”
Jensen’s eyes immediately met Jeff’s because that was some pretty thin ice right there and he was wondering if it was a deliberate lure. “I think Chad’s great,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “Just didn’t like losing a challenge. You know.”
“Fair enough,” Jeff said, holding up his hands and Jensen quietly let out the breath that he’d been holding. “You seem to hang out with Danneel a lot.”
“Danneel’s cool. I like that she’s…grounded.” Jensen nodded his head, deciding that that was the word that he wanted. “She knows what’s going on and how to take care of herself.”
“What about Sandy?” Jeff asked, switching topics again. “She’s supposed to be America’s sweetheart.”
Jensen cracked a smile again. “Sandy is America’s sweetheart.” If she was any sweeter, Hershey’s would be trying to kidnap her to sweeten their chocolate. “Sometimes you wonder how a person as sweet as her could possibly exist, but then you realize that that’s just her and it’s not an act, you know? She really is that person.”
Jeff nodded. “You seem to get along with Ben, too.”
“Ben’s a cool guy.” Ben with the huge arms and all the out-of-this-world true life stories. Ben who was out on a date with Jared right now. Jeff twirled his finger again and Jensen repressed a sigh. “He knows what he wants in life. That’s a good thing.”
“What about Tom?”
“I like Tom,” Jensen answered. At least he did from what little he saw of him lately.
“You two don’t seem to hang out much unless you’re with Mike.”
That was true. “Tom’s glued to Mike’s hip,” Jensen said.
“Is he?”
“Yeah. It’s like, wherever Mike is, Tom’s sure to be right there or just around the corner.”
Jeff tilted his head. “What do you think about that?”
“That Tom and Mike are friends?” Jensen asked, shrugging. “I think it’s cool.”
“How about that they’re sharing a bed lately?” Jeff prompted, getting straight to the point. Of course Jeff would already know about that and of course he’d want to talk about that. Jensen should have been able to have seen this one coming.
Jensen did a slow blink, buying himself some time before answering. “I don’t think any about it. Mike’s just that kind of guy.”
“What kind of guy?”
Jensen shrugged again, shrinking a little in on himself now that he was in less safe territory. “He’s like Jared—really friendly and no concept of personal space. You get used to it.”
“Ah. Do you think anything’s there?” Jeff asked. “Between Mike and Tom.”
Jensen shook his head even as his mind reeled. He’d never even considered that. What if that was why Tom really didn’t care if he spent time with Jared or not but always seemed attached to Mike? Maybe he’d already found someone here. “I don’t know. I haven’t really been looking.”
Jeff nodded, his mouth twitching downward because he was too good to frown but Jensen could tell that he still wasn’t all that pleased. “What do you think of Lita?” he asked and there was a landmine and Jeff knew it. He smiled encouragingly at Jensen, knowing exactly what he’d just asked. Jensen wondered what the other houseguests had said in the confines of this little room.
“Lita’s…Lita.” Jensen glanced away, really not wanting to get into this.
“You don’t seem as enthusiastic about her as you do the others.” Damn the man. Like a fucking pit bull and Jeff had to know that there was a bone there—that’s why he’d saved her for last.
Jensen was not going to kick up dirt, though. He steeled himself and looked up to meet Jeff’s eyes. “I get along with everybody,” he said. “People are people and I accept them for who they are.”
“And who do you accept Lita for?” Jeff asked, grinning.
A self-centered wannabe porn-star… “Herself,” he said firmly. Lita was Lita and no one could change that—well, except for Lita herself and Jensen thought that Hell would freeze over before that happened.
Jeff shook his head, still smiling. “You’re too nice, Jensen.” He chuckled. “Don’t want to start any fights?”
Jensen swallowed and looked away again. “I…know how these shows go.”
“Watch a lot of reality shows?” Jeff asked curiously and, though it seemed innocent enough, Jensen knew that it was a loaded question too.
He shook his head. “No. I’m just here for Jared. I don’t want to cause any trouble.” At the moment, that was a lie, because in the back of his head, he was still entertaining thoughts of pushing Ben and his overly muscular physique off a cliff somewhere.
“You really like Jared?” Jeff asked.
Jensen smoothed his palms against his thighs. He wasn’t going to be able to get out of here if he didn’t give Jeff something and he knew that. He knew that but it didn’t make it any easier. “Yeah, I do. I think I really like Jared.”
“How do you feel about that?” Jensen stared at him and Jeff raised his eyebrows. “You’re not exactly jumping for joy,” he clarified.
Jensen took a sharp breath and look away. “It’s, uh, it’s kind of scary. I’ve only really known the guy for a week and…” …He wasn’t going to finish that sentence. Jeff could throw him into Guantanamo Bay and Jensen still would do it. Jeff, though, was waiting expectantly so Jensen lamely finished, “It’s just a really confusing situation.”
“How so?” Jeff asked.
“You got all these people,” Jensen said, trying to find his spine again, “swimming around in this fish tank of a mansion and they’re all going for the same guy and it’s just so surreal and nothing seems normal anymore. You don’t know where the lines are, you don’t even really know who you are, or if…” Jensen winced. “…Or if what you’re feeling is real.”
Jeff nodded. “I’d say you got things pretty well figured out, Jensen,” he said quietly. Jensen didn’t have a clue what Jeff was talking about, though, because he didn’t feel like he had anything figured out anymore. Jeff stood up, signaling the end of their little ‘chat.’ “Jared will be back in an hour,” Jeff told him. “Why don’t you go tell the others and make yourselves all pretty for him?” Jeff gave him a wink and left Jensen in the empty room, feeling a strange mixture of anticipation and restless anxiety.
Jensen was starting to feel—in no small way—very much akin to a harem girl. He had so much in common with one, after all. His days were mainly spent waiting for one certain man to pay attention to him and the only worthwhile thing he seemed to do with his time was dress himself up nicely to try and get that attention. He was currently standing in line with his fellow harem members, wearing a light blue button-down that he’d been told went very nicely with his skin tone and pressed slacks. He’d even ironed them and this was what he was reduced to now. The only thing that he could take comfort in was that the rest of the harem felt the exact same way. Danneel and Sandy were dressed in what Jensen knew had to be expensive designer outfits, Mike and Tom were wearing suits, Misha had on a gauzy affair that Jensen imagined an angel would wear and Lita was in her strippery best, looking like a Las Vegas showgirl. Not even Ben was immune, wearing a white Oxford with the sleeves rolled up to bear his forearms and standing at parade rest again.
They were so pathetic. Though, Jensen thought, if they were going to leave, everyone probably wanted to leave looking good. Two were going home tonight, after all.
Jared was in front of them, wearing one of his stripped shirt again, unbuttoned just enough to see a bit of his chest and Jensen couldn’t help but be reminded of what that shirt was covering. Jared, though, wasn’t wearing his customary smile, instead looking grim. The last time that Jensen had seen him, Jared had been smiling happily, drunk out of his mind and the change was startling—Jared’s entire face had hardened. “You all came here for a chance to date me,” he said, starting the elimination after a long, drawn-out silence. “At least I hope you did.”
Jensen tilted his head as he watched Jared because something was just a little off tonight. He could tell though he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Jared was more rigid than usual, standing up to his full height and just…looking unapproachable—something that Jared never was.
“And I chose you all because I wanted to get to know you more. Me. I personally chose you—I don’t know if you know that. Not the producers, not Chad, me. I watched all of your tapes and decided who did I think I wanted to meet the most. And let me tell you: There was a lot of people to choose from.” Jared leaned forward a little and pointed at the row. “You guys have no idea how many people you beat out. Because I wanted to meet you. I thought that all of you were interesting, fascinating people and that maybe, just maybe, we might be able to hit it off.”
Where this was going, Jensen didn’t have a clue, only that Jared actually appeared a little upset at the moment. He blinked as a slow knot twisted in his gut—empathy for Jared and nerves.
“Which is why I really don’t like it when someone’s wasting my time,” Jared said, dropping the sentence like a nuclear bomb. Jaws were dropping down the row and anxiety stabbed deep into Jensen. ‘Wasting his time?’ “I don’t ask much of you guys and you all know that. I just want you to be yourselves and to be honest with me. And I want you to be here for me.” Jared stared them all down and Jensen bit the inside of his cheek to hold himself still. He had the urge to run, to punch something, to do anything but stand here and wait. It was killing him.
“I learned something today and I got to say, I didn’t see it coming. And it hurt.” Jensen glanced at the people surrounding him in confusion and the others did the same, everybody looking to someone else for a clue as to what was going on. “I’m not wasting your guys’ time—I genuinely like all of you. I could see myself with any of you—that’s why I don’t understand why you wouldn’t give me the same courtesy. Why you would waste my time? If you don’t feel the same way about me, that’s fine—you come and tell me so that I don’t send somebody else home that does just because I’m thinking that everything’s okay between us.” Jared hands were pressing against his chest, emphasizing his words and he paused, taking a deep breath before he dropped them.
“I spent the day thinking that this was going to go very differently and I just had my world rocked a little. I thought I was going to have to make this big decision and hurt people and that I’d have to deal with all these second thoughts: ‘Am I making the right decision?’ All those what ifs. I spent the entire day thinking about it and that was unfair to Ben, I know.” Jared pointed at Ben who remained impassive, waiting for his next order. “Just like it was unfair to me to make me think that this was even going to be a decision tonight.
“I had the choice taken away from me. Because I’m not going to send home anybody that still genuinely wants to get to know me when there are people here that don’t feel the same way about me that I do about them.”
Jensen’s heart was beating a hundred miles an hour. He knew that Jared couldn’t be talking about him. Couldn’t possibly. There was just no way that Jared couldn’t know that Jensen was absolutely stupid over him. Unless… A shock of fear turned Jensen’s blood cold and he darted his eyes over to Lita. Unless someone was scheming again. She was looking just as confused as everyone but Jensen knew that she’d also missed her calling in life because she could be one hell of an actress when she wanted to be. And so much for him telling Jeff that he accepted her. He didn’t even know if she’d done anything and his thoughts automatically turned to her, trying to turn her into the bad guy. This is why reality shows were evil, Jensen thought. You started picking villains out in life just because they were your competition.
Praying that it just wasn’t him that Jared was talking about because Jensen knew that that was the best that he was going to get, Jensen turned his eyes back on Jared who was looking absolutely wrecked and angry at the same time. Jensen’s heart clenched painfully for him, feeling sympathy for Jared’s hurt feelings and the fact that he had had to do this.
“So I just wanted to hear why. There’s not going to be an elimination tonight because after I heard this, it was also confirmed and so I already know who needs to leave tonight.” Jared took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Mike and Tom, can you can step down and join me?”
Jensen stared at Mike’s blank face and the past him to Tom who looked guilty and just a little terrified. Fuck but it was true. Whatever it was, it was true.
Jared waited for Mike and Tom to descend and to stand in front of him before he spoke again. “I’m a little torn guys,” he said, his hands rising to press against his chest again. “I mean, because I’m happy for you but at the same time, I’m hurt that you would do this. And I kind of want to know why you would let me find out this way.”
Tom stared down at the floor but Mike spoke up. “Honesty, J-man, I didn’t see it coming, either. And I was going to tell you.”
“When?” Jared asked. “After I’d already sent someone else home?”
“No!” Mike protested, shaking his head. “After I figured it out for myself! I wasn’t even sure what was going on—it’s only been a few days, man! I needed some time!”
Jensen stared back and forth between all of them, questions flying through his mind and wondering what Jeff had been insinuating back in the closet was true. Were Mike and Tom really in a relationship? And Jared had found out? How?
“You’re sure now?” Jared asked and Mike nodded.
“Yeah, I am. I think I want to give it a shot.” Mike reached out, grabbing Jared’s arm sympathetically. “I sorry, Jared. I just don’t think we’re right for each other, you know?” he said. “You’re a cool guy but it…just wasn’t there. Or maybe it just never had a chance to be there.”
Jared nodded unhappily and looked over at Tom. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” Tom answered quietly, no sign of hesitation. “It just…” he trailed off. “Happened. Sorry, Jared.”
Jared nodded again. “Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy for both of you. You deserve to be happy, just like everybody. I’m just sad that it all had to happen like this. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I can’t have you two in dating each other when you’re supposed to be dating me.”
“We understand,” Tom said and Mike murmured his agreement, patting Jared’s arm again. Jensen’s breathing started to speed up, heading towards hyperventilation. Mike and Tom were leaving? Because they…because they… They were in a relationship? Jared was happy for them but he was kicking them out because they weren’t here for Jared and Jensen’s room was going to be empty. Who the fuck was going to annoy him now? Who was going to cheer him up when he was being a moody, anti-social bastard?
When had Mike and Tom had time to do anything? And why? Hadn’t they wanted Jared? Jensen stared down at them as Mike and Tom took turns hugging Jared and then they were heading towards the door and Jensen wanted to lock it before they got there.
The house just wouldn’t be the same with them gone. Jensen felt as if his world had tilted, sending him off balance and he was left clinging to a ledge, trying to hold on. It was this surreal little fish tank in which he was swimming: It suddenly felt a whole lot smaller.
Jensen watched, helpless and disbelieving as the door shut behind Mike and Tom. Jared called for everybody who was left to come down and join him but it took Misha elbowing him in the side to get Jensen to move. Mike and Tom were gone. Jensen was no longer sharing a room with them.
The house was shrinking.
“I want to thank you all for being here with me,” Jared said, holding up a glass of champagne. Jensen took his robotically, operating on autopilot. “And I want to thank you all for being here for me.” Jensen locked his eyes onto Jared, using Jared’s familiarly beautiful features to ground himself.
Mike and Tom were gone. And it was a horrible thought, but Jensen was two steps closer to his goal. It was shitty to think of it in terms like that, but that was just how it had to be. Two steps closer to his goal and closer to escaping the fish tank.
Jensen just hoped that when he did finally manage to pull his own Finding Nemo, that he did so with Jared. Mike and Tom might have found happiness with each other but Jensen knew that that wasn’t going to happen with him. It was terrifying, but he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather be with.
He looked around at what was left at the cast and wondered if he was going to make it out of this with his sanity intact. Jared was quietly talking with Danneel and Lita and he glanced over at Jensen, a small smile quirking his lips. Jensen felt a familiar surge of fondness and lust course through his body at the bit of eye contact and took a deep, calming breath. Actually, at this point, he’d settle for just making it out alive.
The room, ironically, seemed so much smaller without Tom and Mike in it. How that was possible, Jensen wasn’t sure. He’d just sat on his bed and stared at the rest of the empty room for awhile, trying to figure it out, before giving up and going to sleep. He’d woken up, though, a few hours later, and wasn’t sure why.
It was still pitch black and Jensen stared blearily at the clock whose red numerals told him that it was just after three. Fuck but this was bad. If he was going to be this pathetic after only a few short days in a strange, oddly decorated mansion, then he was probably going to have to get a shrink by the time he got back home. Jensen laid awake in the bed, lying on his side and contemplated this fact in the stillness of the room. He tried to force himself to fall back asleep but his efforts were proving useless. He knew why, though, the moment that the bed dipped behind him.
Jensen’s eyes went wide and he rolled to meet whoever was climbing into bed with him but he was stopped by a broad hand on his shoulder and Jared’s voice whispering, “Easy, Jen.”
The adrenaline still rushing through him but calming at the sound of Jared’s familiar voice, Jensen blinked in the darkness, his breath coming in quick pants. What was Jared doing here, anyway? Jensen tried to sit up, to put some space between him and Jared.
Jared settled behind him though, his arms coming around Jensen like bands of iron and holding him in place. “Just…stay,” Jared said and pushed his face against Jensen’s back, his nose burying between Jensen’s neck. Jensen could feel every breath Jared took—the inhale that made the hairs on his neck stand on end and the exhale, a puff of warm air, that made him shiver. Jared’s palms smoothed themselves against Jensen’s chest, rubbing his thin T-shirt against his skin as Jared’s long legs tangled with Jensen’s. Jensen shuddered at the sensation of Jared’s bare skin against his, realizing that Jared must be in boxers, the same as him. All ready to go to sleep.
He wondered if Jared had been sleeping already, if he’d woken up. …If he’d decided that he’d rather not spend the night alone. Jensen’s heart sped up, thumping painfully. What was he supposed to do here? Was he supposed to kick Jared out? He didn’t want to. Was he supposed to offer Jared sex? Just a hand job? Could he get away with just making out for awhile? As much as Jensen would dearly love to just plunge right on in, he knew that there was a camera directly over his bed. And that the damn thing undoubtedly had night vision. What exactly was the etiquette when someone slipped into your bed in the dead of night, anyway?
Jared sighed and nuzzled closer as he settled the blankets around them. “Relax,” he murmured. “Can I just stay here tonight? I didn’t want to sleep alone.”
Jensen swallowed as Jared’s warm hands rubbed distractingly against him. It was awfully hard trying to think with Jared wrapped around him. What did it mean that Jared had come to him? Had he done it with any of the others? Or was Jensen Jared’s first choice? The puzzle pieces were spinning around in Jensen’s head, refusing to settle down or lock anywhere. “Y—Yeah,” he said finally. God help him but there was no way that he could say no to this.
“You’re here for me, Jen, aren’t you?” Jared asked quietly and Jensen didn’t trust himself to speak again. He nodded his head and fumbled for Jared’s hand’s, catching one and squeezing it gently. He hoped that it was answer enough. “Just stay with me,” Jared said and the whispered words echoed through Jensen’s head until long after Jared had fallen asleep, his breathing evening out against Jensen’s skin.
Jensen knew that he’d stay for as long as Jared would let him.
Part 9 | Master Post | Part 11
Author:
dragonspellFandom: RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (and Jared/a slew of other characters including Misha Collins, Tom Welling, Mike Rosenbaum, Danneel Harris, Sandy McCoy and some OMCs and OFCs)
Rating: Currently R (eventual NC-17)
Warnings: AU. Cheesiness. Fandom cliches. The usual drill.
Summary (fic): After a drunken dare, award-winning writer Jensen agreed to on a reality television show to vie for the attention of megastar Jared Padalecki who he's had a crush on for years. Only Jensen doesn't know how he's going to be able to tolerate all the other contestants and their widely varying personalities and he's pretty sure that you're not supposed to be able to get used to somebody filming you 24/7.
Summary (part): Two of the houseguests get sent packing.
Word Count: 6700 (this part)
Disclaimer: Never happened, no affiliation.
Master Post: Master Post
Episode 5 - Second Half
Jared and Chad decided to stay up until late with all of them—the first time that had happened since the first night that they’d been in the house and even though Jensen wasn’t particularly feeling in the mood for another damn party, he couldn’t complain. Mike broke out the beers and Lita grabbed the liquor and together they worked hard on getting everyone to “Loosen up, man! It’s a party!” Mike swung himself around Jensen’s shoulders, handing him a bottle and Jensen eyed it before holding up the one he already had. Mike rolled his eyes. “Finish it off, already,” he complained and firmly shoved the new bottle into Jensen’s hands before wandering off.
Jensen shrugged and downed the last of his previous beer before setting it on a convenient surface and focusing on his next one. He’d love to be able and take Mike’s advice but unfortunately the only thing he could think about at the moment was Jared. Jared, Jared, Jared—the guy who was hanging off of Ben because Ben, with his broad shoulders, looked even taller than Jared, though he was actually a few inches shorter. They looked like poster boys for gym equipment, Jensen thought sourly. Like they would spend all of their free time running or pumping iron together.
…Fucking Ben and his ‘I think I’ve discovered what I want to do with the rest of my life!’ Guilt coursed through Jensen for his self-indulgent thinking—Ben was actually a good guy, he didn’t deserve all this shit—but damned if he could actually stop it. At the moment, it was all he could do to simply stand back and let Jared do his thing when what he really wanted to do was go over there, shove Ben out of the way and stake his claim already. Except that, one, that would probably lead to his ass getting kicked somewhere and, two, it wasn’t exactly something that normal people did.
Jensen took another swig of his beer. At least everyone else seemed to be having a good time. Danneel and Sandy were talking to Misha who had picked up the damn apple again. It was as if he was fascinated with the thing. Lita was making not-so-subtle digs at Chad who not only refused to leave her alone but who was also eating up the insults with a spoon. Tom, Jensen hadn’t seen in over an hour. Which was fucking stupid on Tom’s part because you’d think that he, out of everyone, would be the first one to shove Ben out of the way.
Apparently he had better things to do, though. Jensen leaned against the wall, memorizing Jared’s every feature and trying not to appear too creepy about it. He just couldn’t imagine anywhere else that he’d rather be besides right next to Jared. Perhaps that was what he didn’t get about Tom. Tom seemed able to just take or leave Jared and he didn’t seem to particularly care which. Jensen had no idea, though, why someone would put themselves through this circus act if they didn’t at least want something to do with the man that they were supposed to be going after.
Jared guffawed again—his big laugh that opened his mouth wide and just echoed throughout the entire room—and Jensen’s heart clenched. He was being pathetic, standing over here like a high school girl that never got asked to dance. Jensen always got asked to dance. Even if it was only by Chris, who really didn’t count. Still. He wasn’t a wallflower.
He wasn’t the pushiest person in the world and he imagined it would take a crowbar and a lot of hard work to pry Jared off of Ben, but there was no fucking reason he needed to be hiding in a corner like a deranged stalker. Wasn’t like Jared had a restraining order out on him or anything and he had to resort to digging through Jared’s trash. No, Jensen was here because Jared was consistently picking him to stay and that meant something, right?
So what if Ben had been the one to win the date—it was a cooking challenge and apparently cooking was Ben’s life now. Jensen was sure that there’d be other chances at dates that would be right up his alley. Besides, Jared wasn’t out on the date right now, so Jensen might as well try to get some time in while he could.
Making up his mind, Jensen pushed himself away from the wall and causally walked over to where Jared was laughing, not wanting to appear too eager or determined. Ben was smiling easily, taking Jared’s mauling in stride and holding onto the arms that Jared had thrown around his neck. Jensen fought back the surge of jealousy and forced himself to meet Ben’s smile.
“Hey, Jen!” Jared said, finally sliding off of Ben’s back, showing that he wasn’t attached after all like Jensen had been beginning to suspect. Jared lurched alarmingly and Jensen’s eyes went wide. Jared’s hands landed on Jensen’s face, pawing at his features as Jared steadied himself and, stunned, Jensen let him. Was he…? “Jen, Jen, Jenny… Did you mind if I called you Jenny? Do you, I mean?” Jared swung his head around to look at Ben. “What do I mean?” Was Jared drunk?
Ben smiled indulgently. “Hi,” he said simply and Jensen finally found his voice.
“How much has he had to drink?” Jensen asked Ben incredulously. It was kind of blowing his mind that he was seeing world class movie star Jared Padalecki drunk. What was the world coming to? Jensen felt like his whole universe was just tilting.
Jared fixed Jensen with a serious stare. “Lita only brought me one. …And then another one.” Jensen frowned as Jared continued to molest his face—it was rather unpleasant but it was still Jared touching him: Jensen was a little torn. He compromised by grabbing Jared’s hands and forcing them downward. They curled warmly around the back of Jensen’s neck as Jared made a happy noise. “Chad brought me a…whole lot more.”
“That’s fantastic,” Jensen deadpanned. Jared, he had to remember, was only human—no matter what kind of pedestals Jensen insisted on putting him on.
“You’re very pretty, Jen…” Jared said, right hand moving to touch Jensen’s face again. His fingers brushed against Jensen’s mouth and Jensen fought against the urge to lick them. He didn’t like strangers touching his face, no, but Jared wasn’t a stranger. Jensen just usually preferred a little bit more intent to the touches—not the sloppy, uninhibited way that Jared was exploring him. But still, it was Jared and Jensen’s instinctive response was already starting to kick in—regardless of the fact that a party was hardly the place to have a hard on. “I love your mouth, did you know that?”
Jensen stared at Jared, not knowing quite what to say or do, but Ben laughed, clapping Jensen on the shoulder. “How about you take him for a little while? I think it’s been a long time since Jared’s had a chance to get a little crazy so he went a little overboard. And I think I need another drink.” Jensen nodded slowly—he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t want the time (relatively) alone with Jared but, well, this was drunk Jared who was kind of like an overly-friendly, overly-touchy-feely puppy. And he was big. A big, uncoordinated puppy hanging all over him. Jensen winced and shivered at the same time as Jared leaned more fully on him.
Jared giggled—giggled—and moved his lips to Jensen’s ear. “You could seriously give a guy a bad case of blue balls, Jen,” he whispered. “I should probably tie you down and lick you all over…”
Jensen closed his eyes and flushed from head to toe as the thought of Jared and sex and licking brought him to half-mast. “You’re drunk,” he said.
Jared giggled again. “Am not. Just…buzzed.” He stumbled a little to the right, making Jensen stagger as he caught him.
“Are too.”
“I’m a big guy, Jen,” Jared shared confidently. “Takes a lot to get me drunk.” He stumbled again and they both nearly went to the floor before Jensen shoved Jared to the left, knocking him over into a chair. It seemed as good a place as ever for the unsteady movie star. “Okay…” Jared said, revising his earlier statement. “Maybe I’m a little drunk.”
Jensen frowned down at him, a little concerned as Jared scrubbed at his face. “Maybe you should eat something.”
Jared shook his head slowly. “Already did, remember? Everybody helped.”
Right. Jared had eaten quite a bit of the food that all the houseguests had made, so that was probably taken care. “Then…just try not to…drink anymore.”
“That’s a good idea.” Jensen watched him for a little longer, wondering if he really was going to be alright before glancing up momentarily to see where everyone else was at. It was a mistake: Jared took advantage of Jensen’s distraction to wrap his thick arms around Jensen’s waist and haul Jensen down on top of him. Jensen squawked as he fell, losing all chance of pretending to have even a little dignity and landed with a solid ‘oomph’ onto Jared’s lap. Jared snuggled him happily.
Jensen grunted and pushed at him a little, trying to get some space before just giving up and waiting for Jared to get bored. Unfortunately, a bored Jared wasn’t a good thing. After he stopped rubbing his cheek against Jensen’s, Jared apparently got a better idea, and started pressing small kisses there instead. “Stop,” Jensen hissed, resuming pushing at him again. He glanced wildly at the rest of the room, hoping to God that no one else was watching. So far, though, they all seemed to be still involved in their own little worlds. So far.
Jared chuckled and licked his tongue over Jensen’s skin. “Can’t help it, Jen. You’re too pretty…” The good thing about this, Jensen figured, was that while they were in public, Jared’s actions were mostly hidden. Jensen, though, was still keenly aware that he was sitting in Jared’s lap in plain view of anyone that might happen to glance over and, fuck, was that a cameraman inching closer? Jensen tried to stand up, maybe even just move to the chair’s arm for a modicum of space, but Jared wouldn’t allow it. “Where you goin’?” he asked, holding Jensen tighter. “Where you goin’, Jen?”
Nowhere, apparently. Jensen was about to hiss a retort at Jared when Jared grabbed his hand and placed it decisively. Directly on top of Jared’s crotch. Jensen felt his face flame even as he didn’t have a prayer of stopping his fingertips from spreading, outlining the bulge underneath them. “Like that?” Jared whispered, holding his hand there. “I like it…”
The cameraman came even closer and Jensen decided that, no, he most definitely could not handle a drunk Jared alone. He firmly pushed Jared away. “I’ve got to go,” he said, trying not to feel like he was running away and failing miserably. He was such a coward.
“What?” Jared asked, blinking in confusion, and Jensen groaned because this just wasn’t fair. No man had a right to look that damn adorable, especially not when he was still making Jensen’s hand do questionable things to certain areas. Feeling infinitely disappointed in himself, Jensen shook himself free of Jared’s clutches and put some space between them. It was just in time, because not only did the cameraman arrive in position after he did so, but so did Ben, carrying another beer.
“Having fun?” Ben asked and Jensen sighed because the man had no idea. He glanced down at Jared who was now just innocently holding his hand and beaming up at him.
Not fair.
The next day was a miserable day in Jensen’s opinion. Not only was it currently raining, thus making anything outside impossible and trapping him inside with the likes of Mike and Misha—who were tossing the apple back and forth—but it also was another ‘Jared-less’ day. Jared had taken off with Ben early in the morning, leaving instructions for everyone to be good while he was gone and that he’d be back before the Elimination Ceremony tonight. Jensen sighed and flopped himself down on the couch. Awesome.
He could hear Mike and Misha cackling as they ran back and forth but he ignored them, staring at a blank spot on the wall, instead. It seemed more infinitely interesting than them. Jared had been gone for hours now. This was just a bad fucking day. Mike and Misha were bored and, as Jensen was fast learning, a bored Mike and Misha were never good things. So far, they’d only managed to break one lamp (the casualty of an experimental slingshot made out of rubber bands, a door way, and pieces of fruit) but Jensen thought it was only a matter of time until they moved on to more hardcore activities.
“Jensen.” Jensen blinked and turned his head at the gruff voice and his mood sank even lower as he came face to face with Jeff. Fuck. That was what he got for thinking that his day was bad because no matter how bad a day you thought it was, it could always get worse. Jeff was supposed to be out with Jared on his date but yet here he was, ready to torture Jensen. Jeff curled his fingers and smiled, non-verbally telling Jensen to follow him and Jensen knew that there was no sense in fighting the inevitable. He accepted his fate and shuffled off to his doom.
The closet door closed behind them and Jensen took the customary seat, staring up at Jeff in quiet dread.
“So how are you doing?” Jeff asked, starting out with some bland small talk.
Jensen shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure—there was the melodramatic answer that he wanted to give and then there was the smooth, glib response that he should say instead. “I’m doing okay.”
“Oh?” Jeff asked, smiling. He was trying to put Jensen at ease, Jensen knew, but there was just something unsettling about Jeff at the moment—like he was holding his cards close to his chest and hiding a royal flush. “How’s Mike been?”
Mike? Jensen mouthed. He stared at Jeff, wondering how he was supposed to answer that. “Annoying as usual, I guess,” he said with a small smile. It was true. Mike was a constant annoyance in the house, but that was possibly his charm. Jensen knew that if it got back to Mike that he’d said that, Mike would just think it was hilarious.
“Gets under your skin sometimes?”
“That’s, uh, that’s part of his charm,” Jensen answered, echoing his earlier thought.
Jeff nodded like he understood. “So you like Mike?”
“Yeah,” Jensen replied with no hesitation. “He’s a good guy, you know?”
“Mike’s a good guy?” Jeff repeated and Jensen blinked, wondering why he was prompting before the answer smacked him right between the eyes: Jeff was looking for soundbytes and here Jensen was giving him half ones like a retard. He was surprised that Jeff was being so patient with him.
“Yeah, Mike’s a good guy,” Jensen said, giving a complete sentence for once and hoping that Jeff would like it.
Jeff smiled, looking glad that Jensen was finally catching on to the game. “You two seem to have fun together.”
“Mike and I have lots of fun together,” Jensen said with a chuckle. “Some things I think we could be arrested for, but they’re fun.”
“What about Misha? What do you think of him?”
Jensen grinned and looked away, hiding his smile a little bit. “Misha’s pretty crazy, but it’s in a good way. I think.” Jeff twirled his finger, indicating for Jensen to continue. “He’s so zen and just the craziest sh—stuff pops out of his mouth. You never know what he’s going to say, you just know that it’s going to be interesting.”
“You worked with each other on the cleaning challenge,” Jeff prompted when Jensen fell quiet again.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Jensen leaned forward in the chair, yesterday’s events floating through his mind. “I think he wanted the dogs just because he’s got such a way with animals. Animal activist and all,” Jensen said, shrugging. “And he probably wanted me on his team because we both got to meet them earlier. He knew that I’d be able to handle them. Not everyone can handle big dogs.”
“But you can?”
Jensen shrugged again. “I like dogs,” he replied. “Rather wash Jared’s oversized puppies than his windows.” Washing windows was akin to torture in Jensen’s opinion. They just never seemed to end because no matter how much you wiped and sprayed and scrubbed, there was always a spot that you missed.
“Don’t do windows?” Jeff asked with a chuckle.
“No. I don’t do windows.” Jensen smiled back at Jeff. He could do this. It was actually kind of fun in an odd sort of way, because Jeff, Jensen was deciding, was an okay guy once you got to know him. Sort of like a cool older brother or something. Cooler than Jensen’s older brother anyway.
“Jared said that you did a good job with the dogs.”
“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. “But Chad thought they still smelled.” Chad was a bit of a douche now that Jensen thought about it.
“Don’t like Chad?”
Jensen’s eyes immediately met Jeff’s because that was some pretty thin ice right there and he was wondering if it was a deliberate lure. “I think Chad’s great,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “Just didn’t like losing a challenge. You know.”
“Fair enough,” Jeff said, holding up his hands and Jensen quietly let out the breath that he’d been holding. “You seem to hang out with Danneel a lot.”
“Danneel’s cool. I like that she’s…grounded.” Jensen nodded his head, deciding that that was the word that he wanted. “She knows what’s going on and how to take care of herself.”
“What about Sandy?” Jeff asked, switching topics again. “She’s supposed to be America’s sweetheart.”
Jensen cracked a smile again. “Sandy is America’s sweetheart.” If she was any sweeter, Hershey’s would be trying to kidnap her to sweeten their chocolate. “Sometimes you wonder how a person as sweet as her could possibly exist, but then you realize that that’s just her and it’s not an act, you know? She really is that person.”
Jeff nodded. “You seem to get along with Ben, too.”
“Ben’s a cool guy.” Ben with the huge arms and all the out-of-this-world true life stories. Ben who was out on a date with Jared right now. Jeff twirled his finger again and Jensen repressed a sigh. “He knows what he wants in life. That’s a good thing.”
“What about Tom?”
“I like Tom,” Jensen answered. At least he did from what little he saw of him lately.
“You two don’t seem to hang out much unless you’re with Mike.”
That was true. “Tom’s glued to Mike’s hip,” Jensen said.
“Is he?”
“Yeah. It’s like, wherever Mike is, Tom’s sure to be right there or just around the corner.”
Jeff tilted his head. “What do you think about that?”
“That Tom and Mike are friends?” Jensen asked, shrugging. “I think it’s cool.”
“How about that they’re sharing a bed lately?” Jeff prompted, getting straight to the point. Of course Jeff would already know about that and of course he’d want to talk about that. Jensen should have been able to have seen this one coming.
Jensen did a slow blink, buying himself some time before answering. “I don’t think any about it. Mike’s just that kind of guy.”
“What kind of guy?”
Jensen shrugged again, shrinking a little in on himself now that he was in less safe territory. “He’s like Jared—really friendly and no concept of personal space. You get used to it.”
“Ah. Do you think anything’s there?” Jeff asked. “Between Mike and Tom.”
Jensen shook his head even as his mind reeled. He’d never even considered that. What if that was why Tom really didn’t care if he spent time with Jared or not but always seemed attached to Mike? Maybe he’d already found someone here. “I don’t know. I haven’t really been looking.”
Jeff nodded, his mouth twitching downward because he was too good to frown but Jensen could tell that he still wasn’t all that pleased. “What do you think of Lita?” he asked and there was a landmine and Jeff knew it. He smiled encouragingly at Jensen, knowing exactly what he’d just asked. Jensen wondered what the other houseguests had said in the confines of this little room.
“Lita’s…Lita.” Jensen glanced away, really not wanting to get into this.
“You don’t seem as enthusiastic about her as you do the others.” Damn the man. Like a fucking pit bull and Jeff had to know that there was a bone there—that’s why he’d saved her for last.
Jensen was not going to kick up dirt, though. He steeled himself and looked up to meet Jeff’s eyes. “I get along with everybody,” he said. “People are people and I accept them for who they are.”
“And who do you accept Lita for?” Jeff asked, grinning.
A self-centered wannabe porn-star… “Herself,” he said firmly. Lita was Lita and no one could change that—well, except for Lita herself and Jensen thought that Hell would freeze over before that happened.
Jeff shook his head, still smiling. “You’re too nice, Jensen.” He chuckled. “Don’t want to start any fights?”
Jensen swallowed and looked away again. “I…know how these shows go.”
“Watch a lot of reality shows?” Jeff asked curiously and, though it seemed innocent enough, Jensen knew that it was a loaded question too.
He shook his head. “No. I’m just here for Jared. I don’t want to cause any trouble.” At the moment, that was a lie, because in the back of his head, he was still entertaining thoughts of pushing Ben and his overly muscular physique off a cliff somewhere.
“You really like Jared?” Jeff asked.
Jensen smoothed his palms against his thighs. He wasn’t going to be able to get out of here if he didn’t give Jeff something and he knew that. He knew that but it didn’t make it any easier. “Yeah, I do. I think I really like Jared.”
“How do you feel about that?” Jensen stared at him and Jeff raised his eyebrows. “You’re not exactly jumping for joy,” he clarified.
Jensen took a sharp breath and look away. “It’s, uh, it’s kind of scary. I’ve only really known the guy for a week and…” …He wasn’t going to finish that sentence. Jeff could throw him into Guantanamo Bay and Jensen still would do it. Jeff, though, was waiting expectantly so Jensen lamely finished, “It’s just a really confusing situation.”
“How so?” Jeff asked.
“You got all these people,” Jensen said, trying to find his spine again, “swimming around in this fish tank of a mansion and they’re all going for the same guy and it’s just so surreal and nothing seems normal anymore. You don’t know where the lines are, you don’t even really know who you are, or if…” Jensen winced. “…Or if what you’re feeling is real.”
Jeff nodded. “I’d say you got things pretty well figured out, Jensen,” he said quietly. Jensen didn’t have a clue what Jeff was talking about, though, because he didn’t feel like he had anything figured out anymore. Jeff stood up, signaling the end of their little ‘chat.’ “Jared will be back in an hour,” Jeff told him. “Why don’t you go tell the others and make yourselves all pretty for him?” Jeff gave him a wink and left Jensen in the empty room, feeling a strange mixture of anticipation and restless anxiety.
Jensen was starting to feel—in no small way—very much akin to a harem girl. He had so much in common with one, after all. His days were mainly spent waiting for one certain man to pay attention to him and the only worthwhile thing he seemed to do with his time was dress himself up nicely to try and get that attention. He was currently standing in line with his fellow harem members, wearing a light blue button-down that he’d been told went very nicely with his skin tone and pressed slacks. He’d even ironed them and this was what he was reduced to now. The only thing that he could take comfort in was that the rest of the harem felt the exact same way. Danneel and Sandy were dressed in what Jensen knew had to be expensive designer outfits, Mike and Tom were wearing suits, Misha had on a gauzy affair that Jensen imagined an angel would wear and Lita was in her strippery best, looking like a Las Vegas showgirl. Not even Ben was immune, wearing a white Oxford with the sleeves rolled up to bear his forearms and standing at parade rest again.
They were so pathetic. Though, Jensen thought, if they were going to leave, everyone probably wanted to leave looking good. Two were going home tonight, after all.
Jared was in front of them, wearing one of his stripped shirt again, unbuttoned just enough to see a bit of his chest and Jensen couldn’t help but be reminded of what that shirt was covering. Jared, though, wasn’t wearing his customary smile, instead looking grim. The last time that Jensen had seen him, Jared had been smiling happily, drunk out of his mind and the change was startling—Jared’s entire face had hardened. “You all came here for a chance to date me,” he said, starting the elimination after a long, drawn-out silence. “At least I hope you did.”
Jensen tilted his head as he watched Jared because something was just a little off tonight. He could tell though he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Jared was more rigid than usual, standing up to his full height and just…looking unapproachable—something that Jared never was.
“And I chose you all because I wanted to get to know you more. Me. I personally chose you—I don’t know if you know that. Not the producers, not Chad, me. I watched all of your tapes and decided who did I think I wanted to meet the most. And let me tell you: There was a lot of people to choose from.” Jared leaned forward a little and pointed at the row. “You guys have no idea how many people you beat out. Because I wanted to meet you. I thought that all of you were interesting, fascinating people and that maybe, just maybe, we might be able to hit it off.”
Where this was going, Jensen didn’t have a clue, only that Jared actually appeared a little upset at the moment. He blinked as a slow knot twisted in his gut—empathy for Jared and nerves.
“Which is why I really don’t like it when someone’s wasting my time,” Jared said, dropping the sentence like a nuclear bomb. Jaws were dropping down the row and anxiety stabbed deep into Jensen. ‘Wasting his time?’ “I don’t ask much of you guys and you all know that. I just want you to be yourselves and to be honest with me. And I want you to be here for me.” Jared stared them all down and Jensen bit the inside of his cheek to hold himself still. He had the urge to run, to punch something, to do anything but stand here and wait. It was killing him.
“I learned something today and I got to say, I didn’t see it coming. And it hurt.” Jensen glanced at the people surrounding him in confusion and the others did the same, everybody looking to someone else for a clue as to what was going on. “I’m not wasting your guys’ time—I genuinely like all of you. I could see myself with any of you—that’s why I don’t understand why you wouldn’t give me the same courtesy. Why you would waste my time? If you don’t feel the same way about me, that’s fine—you come and tell me so that I don’t send somebody else home that does just because I’m thinking that everything’s okay between us.” Jared hands were pressing against his chest, emphasizing his words and he paused, taking a deep breath before he dropped them.
“I spent the day thinking that this was going to go very differently and I just had my world rocked a little. I thought I was going to have to make this big decision and hurt people and that I’d have to deal with all these second thoughts: ‘Am I making the right decision?’ All those what ifs. I spent the entire day thinking about it and that was unfair to Ben, I know.” Jared pointed at Ben who remained impassive, waiting for his next order. “Just like it was unfair to me to make me think that this was even going to be a decision tonight.
“I had the choice taken away from me. Because I’m not going to send home anybody that still genuinely wants to get to know me when there are people here that don’t feel the same way about me that I do about them.”
Jensen’s heart was beating a hundred miles an hour. He knew that Jared couldn’t be talking about him. Couldn’t possibly. There was just no way that Jared couldn’t know that Jensen was absolutely stupid over him. Unless… A shock of fear turned Jensen’s blood cold and he darted his eyes over to Lita. Unless someone was scheming again. She was looking just as confused as everyone but Jensen knew that she’d also missed her calling in life because she could be one hell of an actress when she wanted to be. And so much for him telling Jeff that he accepted her. He didn’t even know if she’d done anything and his thoughts automatically turned to her, trying to turn her into the bad guy. This is why reality shows were evil, Jensen thought. You started picking villains out in life just because they were your competition.
Praying that it just wasn’t him that Jared was talking about because Jensen knew that that was the best that he was going to get, Jensen turned his eyes back on Jared who was looking absolutely wrecked and angry at the same time. Jensen’s heart clenched painfully for him, feeling sympathy for Jared’s hurt feelings and the fact that he had had to do this.
“So I just wanted to hear why. There’s not going to be an elimination tonight because after I heard this, it was also confirmed and so I already know who needs to leave tonight.” Jared took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Mike and Tom, can you can step down and join me?”
Jensen stared at Mike’s blank face and the past him to Tom who looked guilty and just a little terrified. Fuck but it was true. Whatever it was, it was true.
Jared waited for Mike and Tom to descend and to stand in front of him before he spoke again. “I’m a little torn guys,” he said, his hands rising to press against his chest again. “I mean, because I’m happy for you but at the same time, I’m hurt that you would do this. And I kind of want to know why you would let me find out this way.”
Tom stared down at the floor but Mike spoke up. “Honesty, J-man, I didn’t see it coming, either. And I was going to tell you.”
“When?” Jared asked. “After I’d already sent someone else home?”
“No!” Mike protested, shaking his head. “After I figured it out for myself! I wasn’t even sure what was going on—it’s only been a few days, man! I needed some time!”
Jensen stared back and forth between all of them, questions flying through his mind and wondering what Jeff had been insinuating back in the closet was true. Were Mike and Tom really in a relationship? And Jared had found out? How?
“You’re sure now?” Jared asked and Mike nodded.
“Yeah, I am. I think I want to give it a shot.” Mike reached out, grabbing Jared’s arm sympathetically. “I sorry, Jared. I just don’t think we’re right for each other, you know?” he said. “You’re a cool guy but it…just wasn’t there. Or maybe it just never had a chance to be there.”
Jared nodded unhappily and looked over at Tom. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” Tom answered quietly, no sign of hesitation. “It just…” he trailed off. “Happened. Sorry, Jared.”
Jared nodded again. “Don’t get me wrong—I’m happy for both of you. You deserve to be happy, just like everybody. I’m just sad that it all had to happen like this. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I can’t have you two in dating each other when you’re supposed to be dating me.”
“We understand,” Tom said and Mike murmured his agreement, patting Jared’s arm again. Jensen’s breathing started to speed up, heading towards hyperventilation. Mike and Tom were leaving? Because they…because they… They were in a relationship? Jared was happy for them but he was kicking them out because they weren’t here for Jared and Jensen’s room was going to be empty. Who the fuck was going to annoy him now? Who was going to cheer him up when he was being a moody, anti-social bastard?
When had Mike and Tom had time to do anything? And why? Hadn’t they wanted Jared? Jensen stared down at them as Mike and Tom took turns hugging Jared and then they were heading towards the door and Jensen wanted to lock it before they got there.
The house just wouldn’t be the same with them gone. Jensen felt as if his world had tilted, sending him off balance and he was left clinging to a ledge, trying to hold on. It was this surreal little fish tank in which he was swimming: It suddenly felt a whole lot smaller.
Jensen watched, helpless and disbelieving as the door shut behind Mike and Tom. Jared called for everybody who was left to come down and join him but it took Misha elbowing him in the side to get Jensen to move. Mike and Tom were gone. Jensen was no longer sharing a room with them.
The house was shrinking.
“I want to thank you all for being here with me,” Jared said, holding up a glass of champagne. Jensen took his robotically, operating on autopilot. “And I want to thank you all for being here for me.” Jensen locked his eyes onto Jared, using Jared’s familiarly beautiful features to ground himself.
Mike and Tom were gone. And it was a horrible thought, but Jensen was two steps closer to his goal. It was shitty to think of it in terms like that, but that was just how it had to be. Two steps closer to his goal and closer to escaping the fish tank.
Jensen just hoped that when he did finally manage to pull his own Finding Nemo, that he did so with Jared. Mike and Tom might have found happiness with each other but Jensen knew that that wasn’t going to happen with him. It was terrifying, but he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather be with.
He looked around at what was left at the cast and wondered if he was going to make it out of this with his sanity intact. Jared was quietly talking with Danneel and Lita and he glanced over at Jensen, a small smile quirking his lips. Jensen felt a familiar surge of fondness and lust course through his body at the bit of eye contact and took a deep, calming breath. Actually, at this point, he’d settle for just making it out alive.
The room, ironically, seemed so much smaller without Tom and Mike in it. How that was possible, Jensen wasn’t sure. He’d just sat on his bed and stared at the rest of the empty room for awhile, trying to figure it out, before giving up and going to sleep. He’d woken up, though, a few hours later, and wasn’t sure why.
It was still pitch black and Jensen stared blearily at the clock whose red numerals told him that it was just after three. Fuck but this was bad. If he was going to be this pathetic after only a few short days in a strange, oddly decorated mansion, then he was probably going to have to get a shrink by the time he got back home. Jensen laid awake in the bed, lying on his side and contemplated this fact in the stillness of the room. He tried to force himself to fall back asleep but his efforts were proving useless. He knew why, though, the moment that the bed dipped behind him.
Jensen’s eyes went wide and he rolled to meet whoever was climbing into bed with him but he was stopped by a broad hand on his shoulder and Jared’s voice whispering, “Easy, Jen.”
The adrenaline still rushing through him but calming at the sound of Jared’s familiar voice, Jensen blinked in the darkness, his breath coming in quick pants. What was Jared doing here, anyway? Jensen tried to sit up, to put some space between him and Jared.
Jared settled behind him though, his arms coming around Jensen like bands of iron and holding him in place. “Just…stay,” Jared said and pushed his face against Jensen’s back, his nose burying between Jensen’s neck. Jensen could feel every breath Jared took—the inhale that made the hairs on his neck stand on end and the exhale, a puff of warm air, that made him shiver. Jared’s palms smoothed themselves against Jensen’s chest, rubbing his thin T-shirt against his skin as Jared’s long legs tangled with Jensen’s. Jensen shuddered at the sensation of Jared’s bare skin against his, realizing that Jared must be in boxers, the same as him. All ready to go to sleep.
He wondered if Jared had been sleeping already, if he’d woken up. …If he’d decided that he’d rather not spend the night alone. Jensen’s heart sped up, thumping painfully. What was he supposed to do here? Was he supposed to kick Jared out? He didn’t want to. Was he supposed to offer Jared sex? Just a hand job? Could he get away with just making out for awhile? As much as Jensen would dearly love to just plunge right on in, he knew that there was a camera directly over his bed. And that the damn thing undoubtedly had night vision. What exactly was the etiquette when someone slipped into your bed in the dead of night, anyway?
Jared sighed and nuzzled closer as he settled the blankets around them. “Relax,” he murmured. “Can I just stay here tonight? I didn’t want to sleep alone.”
Jensen swallowed as Jared’s warm hands rubbed distractingly against him. It was awfully hard trying to think with Jared wrapped around him. What did it mean that Jared had come to him? Had he done it with any of the others? Or was Jensen Jared’s first choice? The puzzle pieces were spinning around in Jensen’s head, refusing to settle down or lock anywhere. “Y—Yeah,” he said finally. God help him but there was no way that he could say no to this.
“You’re here for me, Jen, aren’t you?” Jared asked quietly and Jensen didn’t trust himself to speak again. He nodded his head and fumbled for Jared’s hand’s, catching one and squeezing it gently. He hoped that it was answer enough. “Just stay with me,” Jared said and the whispered words echoed through Jensen’s head until long after Jared had fallen asleep, his breathing evening out against Jensen’s skin.
Jensen knew that he’d stay for as long as Jared would let him.
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