dragonspell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dragonspell) wrote2005-05-15 07:08 pm
dragonspell) wrote2005-05-15 07:08 pm
Movie Rant
I tell you what, dudes, I am so fucking pissed.
Last night, I was in the mood for a movie. Not just any movie--a good movie. A slashy movie. Sci-fi, fantasy, scary, whatever. I just wanted it fantasical with deliciously slashy overtones.
Near the end of the night, I was even willing to drop the 'slashy overtones' requirement.
The Sci-fi channel has all their 'sci-fi original' movies. You ever watch these pieces of shit? Same fucking movie over and over and it's not even a particularly good movie.
But I saw previews for this mummy movie. And you know what? It looked good. Bunch of guys riding around in a jeep being chased by a friggin' huge mummy. I was like, "Cool! I'll watch that!"
So I started watching it.
Enter the Sci-fi channel's fucking specialty--the blond bimbo tottering along on her high heels, miracuously managing not to get eaten, all the while spouting complete and utter fucking inane bullshit, tilting her head this way and that like a fucking dog because she 'doesn't get it." The fucking stupid bimbo--a pretty face and nothing else.
WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE IN THE FUCKING PREVIEWS?! Here I thought that Sci-fi wasn't going to have the fucking bimbo in this one--the one fucking reason I decided to watch this shit movie.
Sometimes, you know, a girl just wants to watch pretty men run around. Sometimes, I don't want to see ANY FUCKING CHICKS! You hear that Sci-fi?! Oh, how fucking amazing, your viewship isn't completely MALE! Sorry, dudes! Sorry to ruin your whole fucking fantasy island life, but no, not all girls enjoy starting at a pair of tits bouncing around and a fucking wind tunnel above them. Especially if the fucking pair of tits never fucking SHUTS UP! Hell, sometimes you're doing good if you can get me to fucking tolerate a pair of breasts in my movie.
So enter GENERIC BIMBO NUMBER FUCKING THREE! and CUE FUCKING SAPPY BACKGROUND MUSIC! What. THE FUCK? Bimbo Bitch then proceeds to have the stereotypical banter with the male lead because she. Is. LOVE INTEREST!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, LOVE INTEREST. OOOH, DON'T YOU JUST WANT SOME?! HERE! Have some forced, fake chemisty shoved down your throat!
Bitch: "I'm in charge here."
Butch, manly!man: "No."
Bitch" "I'm in charge."
Manly!man: "No, you not. I am."
Bitch: "I'm better than you. The feminist movement says so!"
Manly!man: "Prove it!"
Bitch: "...But you're a guy... And everyone knows that women can't do the same things as a guy! Fuck, I'm only here to be your simpering girlfriend and you expect me to work? Fuck that! Come back and save me in a fucking hour okay? The ridiculous plot's going to try and bury me and I'll need someone to dig through the shit!"
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! What, they waste their whole fucking budget on the cheesy special effects that they can't afford a decent fucking script?!
Pay me 20 fucking bucks, dudes, and I'll shit you something better.
Sometimes, a girl wants some fucking eye-candy skewed towards her, okay? And for me, that doesn't mean some fucking, half-assed romance shoved down my throat! I fucking hate chick flicks! FUCKING HATE THEM! You'd do fucking better not even fucking TRYING for the whole fucking romance angle! Can't do it right, don't even fucking TRY! And take my special kinks and fucking romance is the fastest fucking way to get this chick to change the channel/walk out of the fucking theater!
I spent the whole fucking movie (or the whole 20 minutes I watched) yelling for the bitch to get off the screen.
Perhaps I'm not being fair to the bitch. I might have been kinder if she didn't fucking talk. I hate it when stupid people bather on in fucking movies! I hate it when talkative, stupid, blonde bimbos are used as a cheap-ass shortcut for plot exposition!
Fucking cheap skank. Go find yourself a fucking porno so I don't have to know you exist. In your pink Ambercrombie and Fitch and high heels and perfect DYE job! Perfect lipstick in the middle of the fucking desert! Gee, guess we know someone who's not going to be fucking DIGGING!
This rant brought to you courtesy of the Sci-Fi Channel's The Fallen Ones. What an absolutely shitty movie.
Last night, I was in the mood for a movie. Not just any movie--a good movie. A slashy movie. Sci-fi, fantasy, scary, whatever. I just wanted it fantasical with deliciously slashy overtones.
Near the end of the night, I was even willing to drop the 'slashy overtones' requirement.
The Sci-fi channel has all their 'sci-fi original' movies. You ever watch these pieces of shit? Same fucking movie over and over and it's not even a particularly good movie.
But I saw previews for this mummy movie. And you know what? It looked good. Bunch of guys riding around in a jeep being chased by a friggin' huge mummy. I was like, "Cool! I'll watch that!"
So I started watching it.
Enter the Sci-fi channel's fucking specialty--the blond bimbo tottering along on her high heels, miracuously managing not to get eaten, all the while spouting complete and utter fucking inane bullshit, tilting her head this way and that like a fucking dog because she 'doesn't get it." The fucking stupid bimbo--a pretty face and nothing else.
WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE IN THE FUCKING PREVIEWS?! Here I thought that Sci-fi wasn't going to have the fucking bimbo in this one--the one fucking reason I decided to watch this shit movie.
Sometimes, you know, a girl just wants to watch pretty men run around. Sometimes, I don't want to see ANY FUCKING CHICKS! You hear that Sci-fi?! Oh, how fucking amazing, your viewship isn't completely MALE! Sorry, dudes! Sorry to ruin your whole fucking fantasy island life, but no, not all girls enjoy starting at a pair of tits bouncing around and a fucking wind tunnel above them. Especially if the fucking pair of tits never fucking SHUTS UP! Hell, sometimes you're doing good if you can get me to fucking tolerate a pair of breasts in my movie.
So enter GENERIC BIMBO NUMBER FUCKING THREE! and CUE FUCKING SAPPY BACKGROUND MUSIC! What. THE FUCK? Bimbo Bitch then proceeds to have the stereotypical banter with the male lead because she. Is. LOVE INTEREST!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, LOVE INTEREST. OOOH, DON'T YOU JUST WANT SOME?! HERE! Have some forced, fake chemisty shoved down your throat!
Bitch: "I'm in charge here."
Butch, manly!man: "No."
Bitch" "I'm in charge."
Manly!man: "No, you not. I am."
Bitch: "I'm better than you. The feminist movement says so!"
Manly!man: "Prove it!"
Bitch: "...But you're a guy... And everyone knows that women can't do the same things as a guy! Fuck, I'm only here to be your simpering girlfriend and you expect me to work? Fuck that! Come back and save me in a fucking hour okay? The ridiculous plot's going to try and bury me and I'll need someone to dig through the shit!"
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! What, they waste their whole fucking budget on the cheesy special effects that they can't afford a decent fucking script?!
Pay me 20 fucking bucks, dudes, and I'll shit you something better.
Sometimes, a girl wants some fucking eye-candy skewed towards her, okay? And for me, that doesn't mean some fucking, half-assed romance shoved down my throat! I fucking hate chick flicks! FUCKING HATE THEM! You'd do fucking better not even fucking TRYING for the whole fucking romance angle! Can't do it right, don't even fucking TRY! And take my special kinks and fucking romance is the fastest fucking way to get this chick to change the channel/walk out of the fucking theater!
I spent the whole fucking movie (or the whole 20 minutes I watched) yelling for the bitch to get off the screen.
Perhaps I'm not being fair to the bitch. I might have been kinder if she didn't fucking talk. I hate it when stupid people bather on in fucking movies! I hate it when talkative, stupid, blonde bimbos are used as a cheap-ass shortcut for plot exposition!
Fucking cheap skank. Go find yourself a fucking porno so I don't have to know you exist. In your pink Ambercrombie and Fitch and high heels and perfect DYE job! Perfect lipstick in the middle of the fucking desert! Gee, guess we know someone who's not going to be fucking DIGGING!
This rant brought to you courtesy of the Sci-Fi Channel's The Fallen Ones. What an absolutely shitty movie.
no subject
My, uh, attention span's generally too short, too... :)
no subject